So I had a bad show. It happens to everyone. Right? Ugh, it's not like Collin is so much better than me. But maybe that's what I'm afraid of. Maybe he IS better than me. I can't stand the guy. Self centered and kind of an asshole. But I did do a shitty job. I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm going to bike and climb and swim. I need to get a swimsuit. On the to do list. I need to clean my room, do laundry, review CDs. I'm so behind with CD reviewing. I need to get my computer fixed. All I wanna do is lay in bed, that's all I wanna do. Damnit. I hate Collin. He always makes me feel awful.

I feel fat. Really fat. I might do a week of vegetables, coffee, and cigarettes. That might make me lose a smidge of weight and feel better. Especially if I bike and swim and climb. I want Ben here. I want to go on more hikes. I want more time. I'm overwhelmed.